Let's talk heart-to-soul. If you uncover these lessons, these are some powerful lessons to make personal change in your life. Here's the thing: we need to have a raw conversation about the emotional obstacles that come as you pursue professional growth.
Looking forward to chatting!
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[00:00:00] Jette Stubbs: Now Let's get into what we'll be covering today because I want you to stick around to the end because this is gonna be. A really useful podcast. If you take in these lessons, these are some powerful lessons to make powerful, personal change in your life.
[00:00:15] Jette Stubbs: What we'll be covering today is I'll help you discover the emotional obstacles that come from transitioning from our boring job to a job or business you'll love, because often we talk about the, how to, and how to get it done, but we don't talk about the emotional obstacles that come along the way.
[00:00:30] Jette Stubbs: So how do you address those? Cause you will get scared at times it will be nerve wracking. How do you deal with. The second thing we'll talk about is why you need to uncover the one relationship that either could be ruining or building your life and your career and your business. You need to figure out which one it is and do everything you can to make sure it's building and not ruining or destroying you.
[00:00:52] Jette Stubbs: And the third thing we'll talk about today is the biggest lessons I learned in 2021 and lessons so far for 2022 for career and business growth. Let's start with number one. Let's work on discovering the emotional obstacles that come from transitioning from a boring job.
[00:01:09] Jette Stubbs: Along with all of this, is my first podcast episode in a awhile.
[00:01:13] Jette Stubbs: It's been a couple of months. So we're going to talk about why that's happening. Where have I been? Have I been Mia? What's going on? Yeah, we're going to talk about that. I'm going to be really open and honest about what's been going on with me and how I felt about it, so that. We can talk about how to create that emotional growth.
[00:01:32] Jette Stubbs: And hopefully you can learn from my life experiences and drama and all the obstacles that I experienced along the way.
[00:01:39] Jette Stubbs: You're listening to the happy career formula with Jette Stubbs where we talk about how to find what you love to do and turn it into ways to make money, whether that's a job, freelance service or a business, so you can live life on your own terms.
[00:01:53] Jette Stubbs: First of all, I want to say thank you. Because since I've created this podcast, I've had some of you reach out to me and tell me, thank you.
[00:02:04] Jette Stubbs: Danny C. In New York went from $20 per hour to being on track, to have her first six figure income year. So a hundred thousand by applying the lessons from the podcast and a free consultation.
[00:02:18] Jette Stubbs: So Danny reached out to me and she booked a followup call and she's listen, this wasn't really a request for services right now. I just really wanted to thank you for your podcasts. And talk to you about the impact it's had on my life. When I got on the call with her. I was blown away with what she was able to do.
[00:02:34] Jette Stubbs: For her to reach out to me and say, Hey, thank you for being another woman of color who led the way who made me see something that was possible for myself that I never imagined for myself, because I saw somebody who looked like me doing it. That was huge.
[00:02:50] Jette Stubbs: Jeremy F in North Carolina, who is a client. During one of our sessions, said, Hey, the lessons in the podcast alongside your coaching taught me how to negotiate better. And I negotiated a better work environment after working in a toxic situation. I hadn't heard from Jeremy for awhile and as a little okay, what's going on? And he was like, no, I was just listening to your podcast and your podcast along with the coaching and everything you had taught me previously. Positioned him where he could negotiate a better working situation. So if he was just happier, he was good.
[00:03:24] Jette Stubbs: Celise B. In Portugal, reached out and after 30 minutes of consultation, she negotiated a two level salary jump in her company and she switched from a toxic department. This two level salary jump for her was something that she was told couldn't be done.
[00:03:43] Jette Stubbs: So when you're out here, Like me and you are creating a podcast and you're creating something like when I'm doing this, when I'm doing it right now, nobody's in the room with me. I'm just talking to myself and sometimes you can feel like you're talking into an abyss and you do it because you want to help people.
[00:04:01] Jette Stubbs: And you think you're doing a good thing. You're trying to put useful information out there, but you don't know if it'll stick.
[00:04:06] Jette Stubbs: So when I started to hear stories about how it helps or reading reviews, It helps me to know it's working. It's a bit nerve wracking to put all these personal stories and struggles out there and mixed with the career and business advice.
[00:04:19] Jette Stubbs: At times I wonder if it's helpful to you or if it's just too much information, I don't know until I get. So I want to thank those of you who have left reviews, who have reached out and given me feedback, who've sent me a note on IG, just saying, thank you. Or who've connected with me on LinkedIn and said, Hey, I've been listening to your podcast and I really appreciate it.
[00:04:40] Jette Stubbs: You are welcome to do those things. And I really encourage it. I am a human being sitting behind here talking to you. And I know that over the years, as I've listened to people and I listened to their podcasts. It can feel like, oh my gosh. And I'm just like I'm just a human over here. Like you trying to do the good thing.
[00:04:59] Jette Stubbs: So back at it, let's talk about how to discover the emotional obstacles that come from transitioning, from a boring job to a job or a business you love first. We need to talk about the difference between a job and a business. If you've listened to episodes two and three, where I often recommend people start when they're listening to the podcast, you would have heard me describe the difference between a job and a business. I think. If you have a good job and a successful business, you have the same underlying skillsets around professional growth.
[00:05:32] Jette Stubbs: You know how to reach out and sell yourself. How to attract clients. How to craft a compelling offers is something that somebody is willing to pay for. These are the skills that you need to just achieve professional growth. And that's why I'm a career coach and a business coach because.
[00:05:48] Jette Stubbs: As I was growing my career and my business, I realized, Hey, I got tired of people telling me like, just how to grow a business or just how to get a good job. When the truth is, you need a good job while you're growing your business, you need to create that work-life balance for yourself. So after your job, you have the mental clarity and space to grow a business and do the things that you need.
[00:06:10] Jette Stubbs: So how do you set something up that creates a work-life balance that you need? So you enjoy your life and you enjoy the journey. I know that a lot of personal obstacles will come up along the way. And I'll talk about these later in the podcast, but I want to talk about these right now as well.
[00:06:23] Jette Stubbs: When I was growing my career. Initially, my mom was stabbed. In a robbery and 17 times since she lived, thankfully, my dad was diagnosed with dementia. As I was thinking about growing my own business I had a racist supervisor early on when I was growing my career. This is one of the reasons why I've went Mia recently.
[00:06:44] Jette Stubbs: My brother died from COVID last year in October. So all of these personal obstacles. It can happen while you're trying to transition and create something that's successful for yourself. I've had clients work with me who were. Who are going through divorce who are going through depression or trying to come out of a depression who just lost a loved one who or have just moved countries are trying to build a new network who have had families who have not supported their business or their future career plans and have totally disowned them during the process who have come out as LGBT plus when.
[00:07:29] Jette Stubbs: And their families haven't responded positively and they've needed to create more flexibility for themselves. There's so many things that can happen while you're trying to grow, from a job to a business, or even just get a good job. Life happens. And when we're working for an employer and employee creates security or the essence of job security that a lot of people cling to.
[00:07:55] Jette Stubbs: And that's not a bad thing because. What I coach is also, you need that stable income while you're growing your business to have the money to put into a business, unless you have a ton of money sitting around. But even if you have a ton of money sitting around, if this is your first time growing a business, and you're not paying for coaches or support, you may squander that money and spend it poorly because you don't know what you're doing.
[00:08:18] Jette Stubbs: You're going through trial and error and you need time to figure it out. If you know how to sell yourself effectively that you know how to craft something that people want to pay for, and then you know how to go and sell it. So people will pay for it. That's the essence of a job or a business.
[00:08:35] Jette Stubbs: If a job you're saying, Hey, I'm going to offer you this. Spectacular service. You will pay me for my time. This is the flexibility that I want. This is the compensation that I want. This is the vacation time that I want, and I will add value to your company. And in exchange for you giving me a stable salary with commission or just a stable salary.
[00:08:53] Jette Stubbs: However, you negotiate that with the business, you go out to many clients and you say, okay, this is what I'm offering to help you improve your life, improve your company, whatever you're doing. And. This is what I want to exchange. I want X amount of money in exchange, and these are the terms, and then you have multiple clients.
[00:09:11] Jette Stubbs: So with a job, when you lose that one employer, you lose all your money with a business. You have. If you lose one client, it's not the end of the world because you typically have multiple clients and you'll set up systems to help you serve those multiple clients effectively. So you just get more and more effective at helping multiple people at once, rather than just working for one employer.
[00:09:31] Jette Stubbs: And an employer can create job security. As I said, and the employer does a lot of the worrying about whether there will be money coming in each month. So as you become a CEO, you have to worry about all the people that you're hiring. Where will the money come from to pay this person? A lot of people wait to hire their first person because they need to make sure they have stable money coming in.
[00:09:55] Jette Stubbs: Otherwise they'll do a contract worker and just make sure they have the money for the contract before they sign on for the contract. It can be really different when you're transitioning and employer expects you to represent the image of the company. So when you're working for an employer, The employer has created expectations with their clients.
[00:10:17] Jette Stubbs: So let's say you go into a Starbucks, you expect a certain experience from Starbucks. You expect a caramel macchiato to taste the same, no matter where you go, whether you're in Germany or the us or Canada. Korea. I don't know anywhere you go, you want that Starbucks caramel macchiato to taste the same, a standard experience, a standard friendly staff member, always asking for your name.
[00:10:45] Jette Stubbs: They are CRE crafting an experience. And as an employee, you go in and you fit the image of that. If you hate your job, you can still go in and do your job. And that there'll be money coming in each month. The employer has told you the expectations of who you should be and how you should work with your clients and your team members.
[00:11:06] Jette Stubbs: And you can go through the motions. Sometimes you don't need to think about it that much. You can go through the motions and make it. When you start to transition to a business, you don't just go through the motions of growing a business. You can't, it's a dynamic activity that requires you to learn the mentally alert and constantly step outside of your comfort zone to do new things.
[00:11:30] Jette Stubbs: Good job will also feel this way. Good job will require you to constantly learn, be mentally alert, and it's constantly step outside of your comfort zone to do new things. But for most of us, our jobs, aren't bringing us there. We're not in that engaging, dynamic, amazing dream job that we have. When you have a business, you have many clients and you have to be consistently marketing yourself to attract new ones.
[00:11:54] Jette Stubbs: A lot of us, this is including me in the beginning, hate talking about ourselves. We hate selling ourselves. We think it's pushy. You think it's salesy. We don't come at it from a place of me helping this person. Is Misa selling myself, me offering to help and add value and say, Hey, I'll help you do this. If you give me this in return, that is what selling should be when it's done well.
[00:12:19] Jette Stubbs: So a lot of us have unaddressed fears or things that come up. I guess those are fears, not just things, fears, anxieties, questions about how to put ourselves out there that we just haven't addressed. And why did we have to sell ourselves for our business to get that amazing job, to switch to the dream job?
[00:12:45] Jette Stubbs: What this means is to create business group, to create career growth. You need to work on yourself mentally and emotionally beyond just the intellectual learning of the tools. So you can grow your career business. The more you grow yourself, the more your business grows.
[00:13:02] Jette Stubbs: This is the difference between a boring job versus your dream job or happy business. So let's uncover what happened to me around last year and probably a bit earlier.
[00:13:17] Jette Stubbs: If I'm being honest, I hit a roadblock in business growth. It wasn't that I didn't know what to do or how to figure out how to take the next step in my business. I just had this heart pounding, blood rushing sensation to freeze or runaway when it came to certain marketing initiatives in. Episode number one of this podcast, I shared my story and I have this history of really good things happening to me at the same time as really bad things.
[00:13:49] Jette Stubbs: So when my mom was stabbed in that robbery, as I said, she was stopped 17 times and she lived the same month, I got a huge promotion and the company I was working at and they were paying me like a couple extra thousand dollars a month. And, they couldn't even change my job description quick enough.
[00:14:09] Jette Stubbs: So they were just giving me, and bonuses, like every other. When I changed jobs into this really cool field, I started working in aerospace engineering. I'm not an engineer. I studied business and sociology and committee development. I was having night terrors from the process of me going to help my mom out.
[00:14:27] Jette Stubbs: She'd been stabbed and just a lot of underlying issues. Then I get into my masters no, I'd be like 23, 24 years old. Then I get into my masters. And at this point I'd be about 23, 24 years old. I start to stabilize my life.
[00:14:42] Jette Stubbs: I'm making a decent amount of money. I'm finally living in an apartment that I like, and my dad's diagnosed with dementia and my brother moves countries to take care of him. And he's starting to figure out, should I go back? Should I not? My brother says no. Then I start to interview for director and six-figure job opportunities around the age of 25, 26.
[00:15:04] Jette Stubbs: And I had to move countries to take care of my dad and figure out a new career. So it was like, oh, you can get this really cool career bump and start doing the work you really like. And then maybe in a year you can work in building out your business and investing some of that money from the job into the business.
[00:15:21] Jette Stubbs: And. Doing all the things that I want to do, but no, I had to move countries or I chose to, move countries to be with my family and to help out. And I had to figure out my career all over again.
[00:15:34] Jette Stubbs: Then I started to figure it out. My dad died. I had two. Move countries or I chose to move countries again. And I started to achieve business growth. After about 18 months, I was achieving some significant business growth booking large podcast guests slot. I got a cool six figure contracts with an international company where I'm seldom self-employed and can work from anywhere in the world, helping to build out their career services while they're fully aware that I'm growing my own business.
[00:16:07] Jette Stubbs: And they're okay with that. And my estranged older brother dies and leaves behind two kids with no living parents who want to build a relationship with me, who I've never really had the opportunity to get to know in the past, because my older brothers is strange. And this is around the same time. Like before I plan this like amazing, really cool trip where I get to travel the world and live, not just visit, but live in different places for lengthy periods of time, because now I have the money coming in and I have the flexibility and maybe my life is stabilizing and then it just, everything changes.
[00:16:48] Jette Stubbs: First of all, I'd like to say, I don't see myself as a victim and I don't like to talk from that mindset. I see myself as someone navigating a life that is throwing me a lot of curve balls. So when you're used to life throwing you curve balls, the idea of stepping outside of a nine to five to create something uniquely you is both exciting and daunting.
[00:17:09] Jette Stubbs: Because of all of these underlying fears related to both small or big T trauma, they just keep popping up. The trauma doesn't have to be big, but the impacts can be big. So let's talk about why you need to uncover the one relationship that I, there could be ruining or building your life. You need to figure out which one it is and do everything you can to make sure it's building you up.
[00:17:35] Jette Stubbs: I think this was in 20 20, 21, 20 20, 20, 20 or 2021. Those are two different years. Although at fleet feels like a blur with the pandemic. I read a book by Nicole Lewis keeper called how to love your business and have it love you back. And. In the beginning of the book, there was this, real aha moment.
[00:17:57] Jette Stubbs: In the first couple of pages where she talks about the fact that we have one relationship to keeps on recurring in all the different areas of our life she talks about the fact that she didn't have the best relationship with her parents. And then she was, sorry, I don't want to misquote her.
[00:18:16] Jette Stubbs: She didn't say that. She just talks about the fact that she. Had a bad boss. And then she was making her business, her new bat boss, essentially. And she was the same problems that she was having in her romantic relationships. She was recreating in her business and that was her new, bad relationship because she hadn't dealt with the underlying issues that she was recreating in every area for life.
[00:18:44] Jette Stubbs: So let me make this more practical because this can seem a little I don't know, Metta or just above. So I'm trying to take theory and then apply it to real world situations in our lives and your life and in my life. So I read about this one relationship with, from Nicole. I just, it really hit hard.
[00:19:06] Jette Stubbs: I was like, okay, I'm having all this anxiety about. Business growth. The business growth is happening, but it's making my heart pound and it's making me feel like something is going wrong. And why is it making me feel like something is going wrong? Why is this happening? Am I alone? Do I just have issues?
[00:19:26] Jette Stubbs: Is it just me? And I started to listen to other entrepreneurs. I remember one entrepreneur I spoke to, she said she tripled. Her fees cause she was charging too low for the cost of her services. And the day she tripled her fees, she cried for a solid. Just because it created so many issues around self-worth and how much he should charge and all of these things come up.
[00:19:54] Jette Stubbs: And when you hear people talking to you about how to grow a business and how to do that, they often talk about all of these, the how to get it done. They don't talk about the emotional. Staff the, that comes up, they teach you intellectually. This is how you do this. This is step one. This is step two.
[00:20:11] Jette Stubbs: So a lot of us end up on these rollercoasters where we just keep listening to the intellectual and the how to, without addressing the emotional that goes along with the business growth or the career. And that is super real. I've had clients who have been trying to teach how to interview and their hands are shaking as they're talking to me.
[00:20:30] Jette Stubbs: And this is a safe space when they're talking to me. So then when they get into an interview before they were being coached by me they would climb up. They would sweat. Blurt out random things because all of this anxiety was coming up and they didn't know how to address underlying anxiety.
[00:20:50] Jette Stubbs: And it's different when I'm talking with clients, we talk about the personal and the professional. But it's not at the depth that I typically talk to, or at least for the length of time for that I've had with like long-term friends. So I also like my, a lot of my long-term friends come to me for coaching.
[00:21:09] Jette Stubbs: And I often joke that one of the benefits of being my friend is that usually after a few years of friendship with me, you'll end up making more money in one way or another, because I tend to just say Hey, I don't want to coach you if you don't want it right now. But I noticed you doing. The thing, and it could be blocking you in both your romantic relationships and your professional relationships.
[00:21:31] Jette Stubbs: So I just want to know if you if you want to unpack this, because I know that you've told me a bit about your parents and where this concert I'm like, I'm that friend that can be annoyingly. Constantly trying to help you grow. But now I ask for permission before I do those things, it's been a balancing act for me to try and figure out how to create that balance with some of my friendships.
[00:21:54] Jette Stubbs: So when I'm working with clients, it can be harder to pick up on because I don't know everything about their lives, but with my close friends, I tend to know not everything, but almost everything. And it's much easier to point out some of the. Relationships that are occurring in the different areas of their life.
[00:22:13] Jette Stubbs: So one of my friends, we were just talking about two weeks ago and she, her recurring issue was she was not putting herself out there. She was not putting herself out there romantically, and she wanted to date most of us want a date and let's be real. We want to get laid, want to be touched these things.
[00:22:32] Jette Stubbs: We want them to happen. But she wasn't putting herself out there to meet new people for that to happen. She was going to work going home. She wasn't going on any of the online dating apps. She wasn't doing any of the things. So how has that, how she's supposed to meet somebody? How is that supposed to happen?
[00:22:49] Jette Stubbs: The exact same thing was happening professionally. She wanted a new job, but she wasn't applying. She wasn't doing the things. She had this mental roadblock that was happening, partly because she was afraid of how the dates would go. She was afraid of how the interviews would go. Cause she had a lot of anxiety around talking about herself and she was like what do I tell them about myself?
[00:23:10] Jette Stubbs: Am I an interesting person? Will they want to hire me? And she had some bad experiences in the past that were stopping her. From going out there and pursuing what she wants. And that was affecting every area of her life. When we talked about the different goals she wanted to achieve, just the idea of stepping out and putting herself out there was a recurring issue.
[00:23:31] Jette Stubbs: It was one relationship, one problem that was recurring in every area for life. There needed to be a discussion around why the root cause of that issue was there so that she could unpack. So for me, here's what I realized. There were some stories that I was telling myself that just weren't true, but they were based on my life experiences so far.
[00:23:57] Jette Stubbs: The first story that I was telling myself is if I achieve professional growth, something bad will happen in my personal. The second story that I was telling myself is I'll always grew up too late to be helpful. If these don't make sense to you right now, don't worry. I'm going to unpack them.
[00:24:13] Jette Stubbs: These beliefs. We're trying to coincide with the idea of growth. To achieve a different result than I'm achieving today, I have to make different decisions than I am making today. The person who made their first 100,000 last month made different decisions than you did last month. You need to make decisions aligned with the person you want to become.
[00:24:40] Jette Stubbs: So for me, when I say, if I achieve personal growth, something bad will happen. I have a lot of recurring issues coming up. So let's imagine this last year I was getting opportunities for growth and mentorship, more than one person with over 60,000 monthly podcast downloads per month, wanted me to be on their podcast.
[00:25:02] Jette Stubbs: They were reaching out to me and asking me to be on the podcast. I didn't have to go to them. That was. That was intimidating. I was receiving new clients from people listening to my podcast content, and I had a super small audience and I didn't have this like fancy launch plan or anything like that set up yet.
[00:25:20] Jette Stubbs: People were just booking sales calls. After hearing me speak, I was getting new opportunities and contracts, including someone reaching out. Asking me to be a coach with their company as a freelancer where I'd make a minimum of 300,000 USD income per year, which I turned down because I just wanted to be doing my thing.
[00:25:43] Jette Stubbs: And they said 24 7 WhatsApp access, like seven days a week. And I was like, no, thank you. I want work-life balance. I knew what I wanted. So all of these good things were happening. Let me tell you, my heart started pounding, not just as they were happening, but all the time and all of my business knowledge and career knowledge went out the window for a break.
[00:26:06] Jette Stubbs: I guess it was just chilling, taking a smoke. As I wrestled with fears, my fears were, if I achieve professional growth, something bad will happen in my personal. I'll always grow up too late. So when I look back I'll regret not having done something grief because my brother had died. And although I didn't know him very well, like how much grief should I be feeling about this?
[00:26:30] Jette Stubbs: How should I be interacting with my nephews who have. No parents right now and are looking for support and community because my brother older brother had isolated himself and their mother had died previously questioning the type of life I want to build. Who I want to be? Is this making sense? Like if I'm having these heart pounding feelings, is it because I'm, headed in the wrong direction?
[00:26:58] Jette Stubbs: Is it because like, why is this growth? The thing that I wanted, so intimidating to me right now, and then my living situation. As I was moving countries and I had the opportunity, my business's remote. I just open up my laptop. I'm talking to you right now. Just open up my laptop, plugged in my microphone and I'm working.
[00:27:20] Jette Stubbs: So I can live in different places. And for me, people come over money. One of the reasons a lot of people build their businesses is to help themselves and their families and create their situations. So I come back to where I'm from the island that I grew up in often, and I try to find ways to be like emotional supports and financial support to the people I care about.
[00:27:45] Jette Stubbs: And sometimes that means that I'm going in. Living with them and supporting them through really difficult situations. And they don't necessarily have the emotional capacity to give back or to, make it a give and take. It's like me going in and saying, Hey how can I help you and be there for you as you're learning to work on yourself emotionally and create holistic growth in your life.
[00:28:13] Jette Stubbs: And not trying to be someone who's coming in as some sort of savior complex, but really just a friend who has some resources that they don't to help them see life differently. Now that I've had the opportunity or like life has pushed me to work on myself because when you are facing all the obstacles that.
[00:28:39] Jette Stubbs: I've listed off before where good things happen while bad things happen. If you want to survive it, you can't be complacent. There is constantly a fire under your butt and you can't let your feet touch the ground for too long because you have to keep on going to keep on creating growth.
[00:28:57] Jette Stubbs: You can't stop. Or you'll sink. And that has forced me to achieve a certain level of emotional growth and awareness. And it's forced me to continuously absorb new knowledge that often I can sometimes take for granted. And I'm trying to learn how to grapple with talking about these things, how it's really what I've used to help people grow their careers and help people to get those awesome results that I talked about in the beginning of the podcast.
[00:29:33] Jette Stubbs: At the same time, I had to ask myself a question as I was feeling these heart-pounding emotions. I had to ask myself, which narrative am I going to follow? There's this superhero narrative or a hero narrative of constantly pushing through obstacles of constantly. Doing the things that you need to do you get that amazing opportunity and you always just say yes, because yes, we'll get you into another door where you can then say yes, and you can hit that next level of growth and that next level of growth and seeing, yes, we'll allow you to open doors that you haven't opened before.
[00:30:13] Jette Stubbs: Versus this idea of self care and the hardworking human who also focuses on self care. Am I going to be the superhero or the hero? Because I don't have any superpowers or hardworking human who also balances self-care and work-life balance. And what does that mean for me? I think for so many of us, we pushed for this hero narrative.
[00:30:39] Jette Stubbs: We want to achieve these amazing goals, but then we won't put in the support systems that we need for ourselves to put in the goals. I'm going to DIY it, learn everything. I'm going to read everything, and then I'm going to do it on my own. I'm going to push through the fear of my heart pounding and all the anxieties, even though it feels debilitating because I'm going to do it on my own.
[00:31:01] Jette Stubbs: I'm going to get there. Proof, whoever wrong told me that I couldn't do it. I'm going to do the thing. And I really started to question those narratives because it takes a toll on your body. Physically. I've had issues in the past with everything where I was pushing myself and just saying go, And I felt that fire underneath me that said you can't stop. You have to keep going. You have to keep trying. You have to keep learning to get into a better situation in your life.
[00:31:29] Jette Stubbs: I took a break. I opted for self care. I took a break and I said, it's okay. Not to take on anything new and take a break to take care of myself and my existing clients. Okay. So what were the lessons learned in this process? These are the biggest lessons I've learned. In 20, 21 and less than so far for 2022 for career and business growth,
[00:31:54] Jette Stubbs: be honest, I'm still processing. So I'm sure this list will be incomplete, but here we go. I'm just speaking from my heart at this point. Podcasts was more just me talking to you really honestly, and letting you know what's going on. Some of my biggest roadblocks to growth have been mental and emotional.
[00:32:14] Jette Stubbs: It's not just about the intellectual growth. You can know how to do something, understand it intellectually, and then still have issues when it comes to actually getting it. I have a client who can write a stellar resume. She knows how to sell herself. She wrote her own resume. She updates her own resumes.
[00:32:34] Jette Stubbs: She gets herself into these amazing interviews. She just paused on her coaching because she was having this real emotional blockage around. Interviewing. And I said, okay, you need to come in and have chats with me so that we can work through these emotional blockages. But she got this interview before she had done the work.
[00:32:53] Jette Stubbs: She paused because it overwhelmed her. And then the interview just, she bombed the interview. She knew it as soon as she walked out the interview or made some comments, the interview panel was disappointed. Her interview question responses because they thought she could do the job based on her resume, but she wasn't speaking like the resume that she wrote because she was so nervous and so much anxiety was coming up around the interview.
[00:33:23] Jette Stubbs: So we had to work through that. Some of your biggest obstacles around your growth are going to be. Mental and emotional and not just about whether or not how to take this next step.
[00:33:39] Jette Stubbs: It really made me question, how will this affect my practice in the future? Like how will affect my coaching practice?
[00:33:43] Jette Stubbs: How will affect the direction that I had in, and I know some people. Who offer like multiple coaches within their business. So you'll come to them for business coaching. They'll teach you how to build a business. But then they'll also offer you support with somebody who will help you around the emotional blockages.
[00:34:01] Jette Stubbs: And they may call it like unleashing your energy or rec you're recognizing like your energy blocks or they'll use different language around it, depending on what school of thought they were learning from. But it's made me think about how I'm going to build that practice. Recently, I'm wrapping up, reading a book called the body keeps the score and it talks about trauma.
[00:34:25] Jette Stubbs: And I don't always feel, I have mixed feelings around the word trauma because often people think trauma has to be this big thing and it doesn't have to be One of the big things I took away from this book was this idea of living in the past. With trauma people are often stuck reliving negative life experiences. They're stuck in the past rather than being in the present or looking towards the future.
[00:34:49] Jette Stubbs: So how do you unstuck people from the trauma of their past and part of that? Helping them create new stories around their past. In the book, the author talks about three ways that we can start to process or trauma. There is top down, which is talking, about it, talking about your issues there's bottom up, which is creating senses a sense of physical safety.
[00:35:20] Jette Stubbs: When you go through something difficult and somebody hugs you, it creates a sense of physical safety that reminds your body, that it can calm down. And when you create those senses of physical safety, as you were going through issues, it can help you process or react to the trauma differently. So it doesn't become this recurring issue in your life.
[00:35:41] Jette Stubbs: You've processed it. Your body knows you're safe. It knows it doesn't need to be in this alert heart-pounding flight or fight. Response. And then the third one is essentially it's like desensitization, reducing the sensation of the trauma often through medication.
[00:36:01] Jette Stubbs: Without even like having this language around it, I think as I was coping through a lot of things over the last decade or two, because growing up, my mother also had Pretty severe mental health issues where she would take my brother and I out of school. And she stopped feeding us and put us on these extended fast for a week or two where we'd have to like sneak food because she was going through all of these issues and she was trying to anyways, like she was going through a lot and there was all of this unpacked
[00:36:39] Jette Stubbs: trauma that I had. And the way that can play out in your business can vary the way you can play out into your career can vary the way you process. It really does connect with one of those three things. Are you talking about it? Are you desensitizing and desensitizing could even be things like distracting yourself, like going on social media or distracting yourself by playing video games or there's alcohol, that's a drug that goes, there's so many ways that we desensitize and don't deal with the issues that we're experiencing.
[00:37:14] Jette Stubbs: Or there's creating a sense of body, least safety. And sometimes if you don't have the right people to talk to, you don't know how to create that sense of physical safety.
[00:37:23] Jette Stubbs: You can rely on the desensitization. And I want you to know I've used all three of these approaches as I've been coping through trauma, I would say use desensitization. More, as I like, felt like I had less of a social support system as I was moving countries. And I had to figure that out. So I think learning about these processes of approaching the underlying fears and emotional obstacles using one of these three approaches is one of the lessons that I've taken away and being mindful of which one I'm using.
[00:37:54] Jette Stubbs: And that there are other options I don't have to use. Just one I can use multiple is very helpful coming to terms with who I am and where I come from career crafting a story about that and knowing where I'm going has helped immensely. Being able to talk about the fact that my mom had mental health issues growing up and my.
[00:38:19] Jette Stubbs: dad's death and all of the things that have happened and incorporate that into who I am now as a career coach and a business coach and someone who's not trying to craft some perfect hero narrative of me just achieving the thing and rather saying, Hey, these are the obstacles that I experienced along the way.
[00:38:38] Jette Stubbs: It's very likely you could be experiencing obstacles too. Most people experience obstacles. These, this is how I've overcome them. That doesn't make me a hero. I still got things I'm trying to figure out. But this is how I can help You Oftentimes we look for these atypical results when we're looking for a support or we're looking for coaching, we're looking for help on how to grow a business.
[00:38:58] Jette Stubbs: We want to work with someone who is the millionaire or billionaire with this hero. I had this overnight success. Within two months, I went from no money to a hundred thousand dollars and helping people, but that's not the full story if you've done that, usually means that you've spent some time probably years, maybe more building up skills so that you could be useful to people.
[00:39:25] Jette Stubbs: It's not the four year story or the two year story of somebody. Worked on themselves emotionally, physically, intellectually, and develops new skills so that they could build out a product or build a service and learn the obstacles that they were experiencing along the way took breaks along the way. And then two or three years later has the business that they love at the income that they love.
[00:39:52] Jette Stubbs: They talk about the last two months, like it was a full three years. If you really speak to those people and get the backgrounds. If you listen to their full podcasts, if you watch them on YouTube and you follow them, you'll start to see that, Hey, this wasn't an overnight success story. In most cases, even if the money came overnight, the work that went into building, it usually lasted much longer.
[00:40:17] Jette Stubbs: I've had to take in I've also had a lot of positive experiences over the last, year. I was a first generation university student. So when my parents took me to Canada to go to university, they had never been to Canada. They stayed for three days and then they left.
[00:40:34] Jette Stubbs: I was 17 years old. I had to figure it out. My parents were like, We've never been to university. We haven't been to this country before we actually cannot help you. The only thing we can do is give you access to an opportunity that we have never had access to. You decide what you do with that opportunity and make the most of it seize everything you can.
[00:40:54] Jette Stubbs: That meant a lot of learning to get to know where I am today. Over the last year, I went to Europe for the first time. A lot of people in my family haven't done that, but not something you've had the opportunity to do. I got to go to Portugal. I went to Lisbon and Porto. I lived in Toronto and Vancouver for a while and I was able to rent Airbnbs and do the things and live how I wanted.
[00:41:20] Jette Stubbs: Then now I'm back in The Bahamas and I'm looking for ways to like, be that support system to the people I love and I care about, and I'm doing this. And then I get to open my laptop and be here with you. I get to have these amazing conversations with clients that I love working with. And then when life gets hard, I get to practice self care and take a break.
[00:41:44] Jette Stubbs: And money's still coming in. That's, that is huge. That type of break, that type of life that I've been building for myself is huge. And okay. This brings me to.
[00:42:02] Jette Stubbs: These are just thoughts. As I said, I'm speaking from my heart. I'll figure out I'll, do something better later on, maybe later this year, but it took me a while to get into a place where I might be to sit down and record this podcast for you.
[00:42:16] Jette Stubbs: So it's going to take me well, just I'm figuring things out. So for professional growth, what steps should you actually take? To take your next big step in growth? Whether it's for a job, a freelance service or a business. So what should you do before? I started actually making money in my business before I actually started making money and like hitting growth for a job.
[00:42:42] Jette Stubbs: I was on a never-ending rollercoaster of just listening to podcasts and YouTube and downloading freebies, but not fully taking action on the things I considered scary. Oh, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to figure it out. I'm too young or I'm too old. Is it too late for me? Maybe I'm not smart enough.
[00:43:04] Jette Stubbs: I had all these ideas. These ideas weren't just sentences. They were beliefs, on who I could be and what I could and where I'd get stuck. They weren't real, but I acted as if they were,
[00:43:20] Jette Stubbs: and if I had to go back. Or even just what I'm doing moving forward rather than being stuck in the past, which is a trauma response. What I'm doing to move forward is I'm building holistic action plans around my growth. There's a plan around my emotional growth, around my physical growth, around my intellectual growth, around the support systems that I need.
[00:43:44] Jette Stubbs: Cause I shouldn't be trying to DIY everything myself. I know the people that I want to hire in the future to work with me and who will be hiring over the next year. I know the books that I want to read and I have set up a reading list. I know the therapy that I'm going to be pursuing to work on my growth. I know the steps I'm going to be taking to improve my physical health and changing my lifestyle.
[00:44:13] Jette Stubbs: I'm working on a holistic plan because you want to get the new job. You want to grow the business. And it can be really scary to take the steps, to learn how to sell yourself, to make the investment and the effort, because what if you do that? And then at the end of it, you realize some myth of you're not good enough.
[00:44:42] Jette Stubbs: That's not true. For the longest, I thought people who go through the types of obstacles I experienced in my life, just, they don't end up with the success story. Most of them don't. There are the anomalies where you'll hear people talking about emotional abuse as a kid like Oprah.
[00:45:05] Jette Stubbs: They have the stories of facing obstacles and overcoming, and they're so relatable as human beings, but they are the exception and not the rule. So I am not the exception. So who am I to try? Who am I to do the thing? The stories that you're telling yourself, just aren't real. You can learn tools, you can develop. I'm not saying this oh, come and do coaching with me.
[00:45:31] Jette Stubbs: That's not what I'm saying. You can choose whoever you want to learn from. It doesn't have to be me, but I do want you to choose yourself and choose your holistic. Don't just grow your career, grow who you are as a human being, because I can promise you just having the money in your bank account will not provide you happiness.
[00:45:49] Jette Stubbs: What if you didn't have to worry about the guilt of. If I did this for myself, what would people think? Or what if I failed what I do to people? What if you allowed yourself to build out a support system and tools in the different areas of your life to grow emotionally, physically, and intellectually to achieve your.
[00:46:14] Jette Stubbs: What if you allowed yourself to think that you can build out that support system on your budget with the tools that you have, if you don't have money to get a coach, buy books, go to the library and get books on the different topics. Go and look up the best books on. Processing trauma or dealing with emotional growth go and get the best books on business growth or listen to a podcast by like somebody who's really good at business growth or listened to a podcast by a career coach.
[00:46:47] Jette Stubbs: Like honestly, there are free tools. I literally had somebody tell me they go, they went from $20 an hour to making six figures through listening to podcasts episodes. You can do this. Even if you don't have a big budget, if you have a budget, then get support because it can happen faster for you. If you pay for support from good coaches and get the right people. Pay for the courses that are going to help you expedite your process.
[00:47:13] Jette Stubbs: At the end of the day, choose you based on the budget that you have so that you can move forward safely. Sometimes you need to question whether you're going back for the safe path of getting another master's or another program where you don't know where it's going to end up instead of trying to find ways to build and sell yourself using the skills you have now.
[00:47:33] Jette Stubbs: And the knowledge you have now, because we can often follow the safe path of staying in the job we hate. Or going to get the next degree thinking it will solve all the problems of our career in our lives. When we really just need to choose ourselves and build our emotional, physical and intellectual wellbeing so that we can make decisions aligned with the person and life that we want to live rather than decisions aligned with where we are right now.
[00:48:06] Jette Stubbs: Okay. These are the lessons that I took away. And woo, I'm going to be sending this out to you with lots of love and sending lots of good vibes your way. Telling you that I have about 30 podcast episodes that I need to be releasing because they were supposed to be released over the last quarter.
[00:48:29] Jette Stubbs: They haven't come out yet. Please continue listening. I have not gone anywhere. I just took a break. If you have questions and you want to reach out to me, like I'm in the process of rebranding and doing some stuff to align my business with who I am now and where I want to go. I'm here for you.
[00:48:49] Jette Stubbs: If you want to ask a question, I can answer it in the podcast. If you want to leave a review and tell me. Something, anything I'm open to it. I'm here. So thank you for listening
[00:49:03] Jette Stubbs: and please choose yourself.
[00:49:07] Jette Stubbs: You're listening to the happy career formula with Jette Stubbs where we talk about how to find what you love to do and turn it into ways to make money, whether that's a job, freelance service or a business, so you can live life on your own terms.
[00:49:22] Jette Stubbs: this is a career and business podcast, but my two main goals for what I want to offer you are: one the tools to build a career that aligns with who you are.
[00:49:33] Jette Stubbs: So you can make money in a way that funds your life goals and the lifestyle that you want to build for yourself. Two, to have healthier relationships with yourself and others.
[00:49:44] Jette Stubbs: Because I think that if you have your financial resources together and you have good people around you, you can live a happier life.
[00:49:53] Jette Stubbs: Subscribe and leave a review if you are enjoying the podcast. if you know somebody who you think may find this useful, please feel free to share it, with a friend.